I posted my English papers to the wrong blog! Oh, well! It's purely entertainment anyway. The following is a tongue-in-cheek (when it is not?) essay against dodgeball. I'm not trying to prove anything or convince anyone. I'm simply making fun. Enjoy!

Dodgeball: A Game of Violence and Alliance

I remember playing dodgeball quite a bit in school during the elementary and junior high years. Most of us kids were not big fans. The only kids who really liked it were the ones who let their aggression run wild and made the game unpleasant for the rest of us. They were the ones who creamed us with the ball. They forced us to become creative in protecting ourselves. In this way, the game dodgeball is a lot like guerrilla warfare—kid-style. The equipment is basic; rules are simple and lead to one goal; the people are generally unorganized.

The only actual equipment you need to participate in the melee is several balls. A swarm of people and lots of space make up the rest of what you need. Usually, red rubber balls are used, but any of the soft types of balls, such as volleyballs, can be used. Do not use basketballs unless you are looking to ruthlessly take down an enemy. It is preferable to have more people than balls. That way there are more people running than chasing. It is the balls that make the game what it is. Otherwise, it would merely be one of the various forms of tag. It is best to play with a large group of people and it is imperative that everyone has plenty of room. Trampling is fairly common in this merciless game. If the players do not have enough room, the trampling becomes frequent. Also, there needs to be a border around the main area separating the game area from the out-of-bounds space. I will call this space the sidelines.

The goal of the game is to be the last person hit by a ball. The balls are thrown into the group randomly and all at once. The aggressive players rush for a ball; everyone else runs for dear life. The balls can only be thrown and, usually, it is considered foul if someone hits another player above the shoulders. Nevertheless, I am telling you there are some vicious kids out there who are out to kill. Once you are hit, you leave the game area to go stand on the sidelines. The sidelines area is not necessarily your last destination. Someone in the sidelines can get back in the game if they hit someone in the game area. The catch is that people in the sidelines must stay in the sidelines until they can accomplish this. They must rely on a ball rolling out of the game area and into the sidelines. Only then can they run after the ball, wrestle someone else for it, and throw it at a target in the game area. Then, the player hit trades places with the player in the sidelines. Without this goal and these rules, the game would devolve into bloodbath or mutate into another game such as kickball.

Oftentimes, this game produces a number of alliances among the players. As I mentioned before, most of the people with whom I played did not like the game much. These people would agree to hit each other with the ball thus ensuring that they could both avoid getting slammed by a ball from one of the aggressive players and they could retreat to the relative safety of the sidelines. Of course, even the sidelines are not safe. Just because someone is not aiming at you does not mean that you will not get hit. Also, some of those aggressive players will end up in the sidelines. If a ball rolls off the game area, these aggressive players will pull, shove, and wrestle any unfortunate players who get between them and that ball. I warned you. They are vicious. These alliances give some humanity to the otherwise brutal game. If not for them, it would truly be every man for himself.

No, I am not a big fan of dodgeball. I must have had a giant, red target painted on my head during those school years. I did whatever I could to get out of playing the game and thus save myself some brain damage. I was one of the people who started the alliances (at my school). Of course, once on the sidelines, we gentler players usually singled out the aggressive ones as targets. As they say, revenge is sweet…and dodgeball brings out the worst in people.